Tales of a Douchebag: Sugar, Spice, and Murderous Eyes

Carey was a sweet girl. She was the kind of girl who danced around trees and picked up flowers on her way to school. I guess you can say she was sugar, spice and everything nice. She was 14 at the time, and I was 16.

I had dated Carey for a while when I decided I had waited long enough to get her into bed. I mean, well, it has been one week.
One night, when we went to see a movie and as we were watching (or rather, as she watched), I let my arm fall onto her thigh. It looked like an accident, but she didn't know what I planned. Carey Carey Carey, innocent naive Carey.
I drew my palm backwards a little and this caused her to face me. She asked "Fletcher, what are you doing?"
"Uhm, I was trying to kill a spider that was on your skirt"

"A spider? Where?!" She jumped up and down shaking her body, trying to get a fictional spider off of herself.

That turned out to be a bad card. But I still had a few tricks up my sleeve.
After we got kicked out of the cinema, I drove us out onto the mountains for a nice, romantic view of the moon (or so she thought).

"Isn't it romantic? Just you, me, and the moon"

"Yeah, just you and me"

Her head rested on my shoulder, and my arm was stretched over her shoulders. I reached downwards to her tits and then she yelled.

"Fletcher! What are trying to do?!"

"What I've been trying to do all night! God Carey, you mean to tell me you had not the slightest idea of my motives?"

"What? your motives?"

"Yeah Carey. Don't be naive. Don't be stingy with your hoo hoo"

Carey began to cry.

"Oh sh*t Carey don't do this right now"

"Fletcher! You never use those sorts of words"

"Well I was forced to" Actually, I used those type of words, everyday. I just didn't use them around Carey.

Carey instantly stopped crying and said, "Take me home"

"Come on Carey, at least give me a little-"

"I said take me home! Now!"
I have to admit, the tone of her voice scared me to the bone. I had never heard her speak like that before. Come to think of it, I had never actually seen her angry before.

With a little shakiness I started the car. It was obvious that she had startled me. I took a quick glance at her and saw a total stranger seated beside me. This person wasn't the sweet, sugary Carey that I knew. This person looked enraged and furious. Carey suddenly turned to look at me. I feared what I saw in her eyes. Despise and loath darkened those once radiant eyes of hers.
I turned back quickly.

I dropped her off at her place and without saying anything, I drove to my home.
I lay on my bed thinking of which chick I'd go for next, when I heard a knock on my bedroom window. I walked over there and opened it. There was no one there!
I shut the windows and when I turned back, guess who I saw in my room holding a pistol in her hand.

"Carey, what are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"Fletcher I trusted you! I loved you! I gave my heart to you! But all you wanted was my body isn't it?" She shook her head and gripped the gun tighter.

"Look Carey, I know you're upset. But that isn't a reason to try and kill me. You're not the first girl to have her heart broken"

"Well then, I'll make sure I'll be the last girl to have her heart broken by you"
She began to come closer to me. She held the gun in front of her. I wondered why her dad, being a policeman, would leave his gun lying around for his psycho daughter to kill someone with.

"Good bye Fletcher"

The next second, I was on the floor. I felt an intense pain in my chest. I had been shot. I knew I was losing a lot of blood. In a few seconds I passed out.

I woke up the next day on a hospital bed. The police said a paroling officer who was close to my house at the time of the incident heard the shot. He quickly ran to the house and noticed a figure standing through the bedroom window. He saw a female figure pointing a gun downwards, ready to shoot. The officer immediately jumped through the glass window and landed pushed the girl over. He then overpowered her and called an ambulance other police officers.

This is a lesson for all those douche bags out there. The lesson isn't 'don't break a girl's heart'. The lesson is 'Be careful about the hearts you break; you may break a psycho's someday'.

Journal of the Tormented

This is day six. I am completely tired and dehydrated. I can't take this anymore. No I cannot!
The creature shows no mercy. It wants its property back. I want to die! I just want all this to end!

My name is Emeka Peters, and I am writing this in case I do not survive. The situation I've gotten myself into is a dire one. Here is how it all started.

I have been living in abject poverty since my childhood. I am now married with three children; children who don't got to school because of their parents' financial privation. I work as a local blacksmith, and of course, my wages do not sustain me and my family.

Last week, an incident occurred that caused a lot of pressure to be put on me. Both my parents died the same day. I, as their only child, have to pay for the burial arrangements and ceremonies. According to tradition, I had to bury my parents within 10 days after their death or else their spirits will not past on and rest.
I didn't know what to do. There was no way for me to get the money for the burial. I was in a deep quandary.

It was during my cogitation that I one day decided to attempt the unthinkable. I decided to steal the mat of an egbere. An egbere is a creature that lives in the forest of Amaki. It is similar to the Leprechaun which I hear the white men talk so often about. The Egbere holds a lantern and a mat. The mat if stolen, will make the possessor extremely rich. But there was an obstacle. After taking the mat, the possessor has to endure seven days of incessant psychological torture from the creature.
This was what got me to rethink. Is this not the means by which Chief Ola got his riches? Or so they say.

Yes! I will do it. Is not just seven days? I have endured thirty-nine years of hardship. What is a mere seven days?


I wasted no time. Grabbing my machete, I went straight onto the path that leads to the forest. The sun was setting by then, and I planned to get a mat before nightfall (for this is when the Egberes awaken from their slumber).
I spoke to no one along the way. I looked at no one. I reached the entrance of the forest, looked up and saw that nightfall was approaching quickly. In the forest, it was not difficult to find an Egbere's cave. There were a lot of them in the forest because there was no other forest for kilometers away.
Stealing their mats is no problem. Enduring their torture is.

I have just a few days left. No! it's a few hours. The creature is messing with my head. I can't think straight. Yes yes yes, it's three days that remain.
What's that I hear? Is that my daughter crying behind the door? But that is impossible, my daughter is home. Or could she have found out I was here? How?
"Tina!" "Tina is that you?"
"Daddy, let me in"
No no no, that cannot be her. But what if it is her? The creature may harm her. I have to let her in!
"I'm coming, stop yelling!"
"Daddy I am scared"
"I'm coming"
I pushed all the blockades away from the door. I unfastened the latch and drew the door open...
   

Sari, Warrior of the gods

The extremely dark clouds gathered with rapid movement. There was not a streak of light from above. Surely the gods still watch over us!
Silence was everywhere. Total silence.
Lightning struck and illuminated the path for a moment. Shango still watches us!
Ah Shango, I knew you would not forsake us. You, the god of thunder and lightning, have never disappointed me. I only pray that you give me the strength to battle this evil.

The darkness became thicker until I could feel it right beside me.
All our attempts, our sacrifices, our journeys, the success of it all depended on this last struggle, on this last battle.
Through treacherous terrains we peregrinated. For a period of three full moons we journeyed in search of the powerful weapon. The only weapon that could defeat this great evil. A weapon forged deep within the core of the fiery well of the gods. Casted by Ogun the iron god himself, and filled with the essence of Shango, the thunder god and the chi of the all other gods.
To end this evil once and for all, the Sword of Ina had to be wielded by the one chosen - Me.
I, Saki, descendant of Oduduwa the founding father of the Yoruba; the only mortal son of the sun god Ayao. I am the chosen one, and I shall not die until I have killed this great evil!
Brothers! it is come!